Ep. 115 | Audit Your Fundraising Message with 3 Simple Checks

Sep 17

You’ve been fundraising for years. You’ve given the church presentations, talked with pastors, sent the newsletters, and had countless one-on-one conversations.

But people still don’t seem to connect.

At some point, it’s easy to decide that fundraising is simply a numbers game. Maybe you just need to get your message in front of more people.

Before you start looking for more people, though, I want you to look at the message itself.

Grab one piece of fundraising communication you already use—a church presentation, donor pitch, newsletter, or outline for a one-on-one conversation.

We’re going to audit it with three questions.

1. Do you clearly communicate the problem?

Look ONLY at the first few sentences of your message.

What problem would a potential donor understand from what you’ve written?

One of the most common mistakes I see ministries make is starting with the solution:

We provide housing.

We train women.

We feed families.

Our ministry exists to…

Those things explain what your ministry does, but your donor doesn’t have enough context yet to understand why it matters.

Start by establishing the problem your ministry exists to address.

And get specific.

“Families in crisis” may technically describe the people you serve, but what does that actually mean?

Maybe you’re specifically helping a single mom who has lost her job and her housing. Her children are struggling, and her family is at serious risk of falling deeper into instability.

Now I can picture the problem.

Ask yourself:

What is happening that shouldn’t be happening?

Then look at the beginning of your message again. Would someone completely unfamiliar with your ministry understand that problem within the first few sentences?

If the answer is no, start there.

2. Who is the hero of your message?

Now go through the entire message and look for words like:

We. Our. Us. I. Me.

Notice how often you’re talking about what your ministry did, what your team accomplished, and how many people you served.

Some of that information absolutely belongs in your message. It establishes credibility and shows impact.

But your donor also needs to see that they have a meaningful role in the story.

For example:

We were able to provide training for 50 women.

could become:

Because of people like you, 50 women were able to receive the training they needed.

You’re communicating the same impact while helping your donor see where they fit.

Go back through your message and look for places where you can make that shift.

Then ask:

Does the donor feel needed? Can they clearly see the role they could play?

Your strongest long-term donors don’t want to feel like spectators watching your ministry do good work. Help them understand how their generosity contributes to the outcome.

3. Do you have ONE clear ask?

Finally, look at the end of your message.

What exactly are you asking the donor to do?

Sometimes ministries give people an entire menu:

Give monthly.
Give to this project.
Pray for us.
Share our ministry.
Invite us to your church.
Join our newsletter.

Now your potential donor has to decide which action matters.

Choose the one main action you want them to take from this particular piece of communication.

Then make it specific.

Instead of:

If you feel led, consider partnering with us.

Tell them what you actually need.

If you’re asking for monthly financial support, give them a specific amount.

Specificity gives your donor clarity. They can still give more, give less, or say no. But they understand exactly what you’re inviting them to do.

Here’s the final test:

Could someone repeat your ask back to you in one sentence?

If they couldn’t, simplify it.

Your 3-Step Fundraising Message Audit

Go back through your message and check:

1. Is the main problem clear within the first few sentences?

2. Does the donor see the meaningful role they can play?

3. Is there one specific, clear ask?

And if doing this audit made you realize, Okay, my message needs some work…but I don’t really know what to say instead, I want to invite you to something.

On October 5, I’m hosting a FREE live workshop called Fundraise with Confidence.

This workshop is especially for missionaries and ministry leaders who know their work matters but still struggle with the fundraising side of ministry.

We’re going to work through the mindset that makes fundraising feel awkward and uncomfortable, and I’m going to show you how to start a donor conversation using my story-driven approach so you can connect with people from the beginning.

You don’t have to keep guessing your way through donor conversations.

Come join me live on October 5. It’s completely free.

Save your seat at irisstorytelling.com/fundraising.

SAVE YOUR SEAT